2010 ends...

365 days of 2010 are finally coming to an end. Summarizing this year is not easy. It wasn't at all what I expected it to be. It didn't seem to be 'our' year - even though we had big plans. First of all - it was our wedding year. So much planning, organising and waiting and in the end, it was all turned upside down by an icelandic vulcano of which I can't even pronounce the name.
We had a wonderful day and we were so grateful for everyone who was there to share this with us. It's bittersweet that a lot of people weren't able to make it to Germany due to the flight restrictions. A different honeymoon than planned followed and summer came and went with the two of us watching it mostly from the balcony because each one of us had torn the ligaments of our left ankles.

However all these things seem to vanish in the background of illness. The experience that is the hardest to digest and deal with, is when one of you family members is sick. The helplessness you feel is hard to describe as well as the sadness and anger. It shakes your outlook on things, your values, your plans for the future. It's turned into a maze and you don't know what you will find around the next corner. 
I have spent days and weeks where I felt unable to do anything. What drove me or motivated me in the past, is gone. Things I loved doing, seem pointless now. Its hard to remind yourself that you need to BE. Even if it is just in that one moment that is now and forget about the tough things that are yet to come.
I do not want to wish a Happy New Year, it just sounds wrong to me. Being present in the coming 365 days is what I wish for myself and for everyone else. To live less on autopilot and foremost sharing time with the people you love. Not just send pictures or emails or else from one place to another. Time spent together is so prescious. We need to enjoy it!
   

Family picture - 25th December 2010